my heart hurts.

Seriously.

My heart is breaking right now, for a mama I don't even know.

Her story absolutely shook me to the core, and I began crying uncontrollably, for quite a long time I might add. I just don't understand why some things happen. I have a hard time understanding why God can let something like this happen. Even though it isn't my child, and I have been so blessed. I can't help but get angry at God for the things that happen to other families. I do believe that God has a plan. I believe that everything happens for a reason, but this is just one of those areas I have a hard time accepting. I pray every day I never have to know anything more about it than what I read on paper. I cannot imagine being a woman who has to bury her child. The thought of it alone is more than I can even handle. As weak as those women must feel, I am astonished by their strength.

Obviously I love my child beyond words. But there are days, yes, that she drives me crazy! Sometimes to the point of tears. But I love her SO incredibly much, and I couldn't imagine one second of my life without that precious little blonde haired, brown eyed girl. I am still amazed by the love I feel for her. As soon as I became a mother, for the first time I was truly able to understand how much my parent's love me. And for anyone who doesn't have a child, it would be impossible to put into words how much your heart grows and can love someone else. It is absolutely an indescribable feeling.

But sometimes, I think I forget how incredibly blessed I am. How lucky I am to have such a healthy, happy little girl. I read stories, and hear about people who aren't so fortunate. Who have horrible things happen to their children, are unable to have a child of their own, or who every day deal with life threatening illnesses. My heart just aches for them, and I pray for those women, and try to understand. I feel that i'm given these reminders just so that I never take for granted the wonderful life i've been given. I really am so lucky to have such a perfect, healthy baby, and I never, ever, want to forget that.

Day 2-4 :)

Maybe i'm just not meant for the blogging world. My procrastination wins every single time :) Oh well, here we go on another attempt!

--Day 2 --
Meaning behind your blog name.

So I would really really love to be super creative, but sometimes I really fall short in that area. This one, is no exception- I know, such a disappointment.
Life, Love, & surviving motherhood.

That right there {basically} sums up my whole life, {though I think I should probably add nurse in there too haha} and the whole purpose this blog is supposed to hold. I'd love to learn to use my blog as an outlet for stress, and a memory keeper of all those little details about being a mommy that I really hope I don't forget.

If I ever become a serious blogger, I think i'll make my page represent it. For now, this will do :)

.:.:. Day 3 .:.:.
-your first love-

Lets start out by saying that I almost feel guilty about having to write about this! I think that as we're growing up, we all have those relationships where we just really really feel like "this is it". Even long before we understand what "it" is supposed to feel like. I definitely had that.

The first unnamed boy that I thought I loved was in my freshman year of highschool. He was what i'd call my first "boyfriend" and even though we were never ever allowed to go on a date or do anything alone, we hung out and were just best friends. The relationship lasted about 9 months, and then I moved from Indiana to Florida. It didn't take me too long to get over it, and very quickly I realized that what we shared was very far from true love.

Moving on... Without a doubt, my first real, true, can't live without you love, is and will always be Tony. From the moment I met him, I knew he would be important. Though more than three years has passed, I still get butterflies in my stomach every time he kisses me, and I always can't wait to see him when he gets home. I regret ever having told anyone I loved them before Tony, because I am the only girl Tony has ever said those words too. However, I feel like in my life all those experiences and what I thought were loves, only led me to have a greater appreciation for the man that truly would steal my heart.

*Day 4 *
..Your Parents..

My. Parents. Rock.

-My Mom-

My mom really is awesome. She is my very best friend, and someone I truly admire. She has always always been there for me & my brothers. At every sporting event, every class party, every feild trip. I feel beyond blessed to be her daughter, and for Ella to have her as a grandmother. For years she was a SAHM for us three kids, and then later became a realtor. But right now she is in her first semester of NURSING SCHOOL! Being in my last semester of nursing school myself, i KNOW what a big deal this is, how physically and emotionally draining, and how incredibly difficult the material is and she has NO IDEA how proud of her I am. I think it's awesome that she is finally chasing a dream she's had and doing it for herself. She's doing great, and she's going to make an AMAZING nurse!

-My dad-

My dad is so great :) i'd have to say i'm a very lucky girl. He is an engineer, and has always worked hard to provide a great life for my mom and us kids. When I was little I was a total daddy's girl, and going through my teenage years I started to think he knew absolutely nothing about life, but as i've gotten older I guess i've realized 9.9 times out of 10, he has been right. I love how our relationship is changing and evolving now that i'm an adult & I absolutely love our lunch dates & the talks we have now. He is also the most amazing papaw to Ella. She has him completely wrapped around her finger. {and even though when I was pregnant he said he wanted a grandson, I KNOW he couldn't be happier having a a beautiful granddaughter!}

30 Day Challenge!

I am the worst. blogger. ever! And because I know this all to well, I have decided I am going to commit myself to a 30 day blog challenge, and thus REcommit myself to the blogging world! :) Stole this from Katie's Journey & thought it looked fun! (You should totally check it out and learn more about it & join in!) I will absolutely try my best to blog every day, but I might have to lump a couple of days together and blog every few days because with school & chasing around an almost two year old, I don't have many breaks!

Ready or not, here I go :)

Day One:
Introduce, Recent picture, 15 interesting facts

Hi! I'm Christy! (If you didn't already know) I'm a 22 years old & a full time nursing student. I graduate in December & just got my first RN job in the ER, which both extremely excites me and terrifies me at the same time. I have an almost 2 year old daughter named Ella, who without a doubt is the sweetest, coolest little person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I am engaged to a wonderful man named Tony, who is my very best friend, and an the most excellent father. Couldn't imagine my life any differently! :)

..Interesting Facts..

one: I still sleep with my blanky from when I was little.
two: I don't like hamburgers.
three: i'm the middle child, in between two boys.
four: i pray everytime I hear sirens for whomever those sirens are going to.
five: I would love love love to adopt one day.
six: I love photography blogs, and really wish I had talent, but i'm just as content admiring other people's talent!
seven: i buy the precut cookie dough pieces and devour a whole box in less than two days.
eight: i have three tatoos.
nine: i eventually would really like to go to grad school & become a midwife.
ten: speaking of school, I love it. but I am THE worst procrastinator ever.
eleven: i'm a tabloid junkie.

twelve: i'm slightly OCD. I love making lists and organizing everything.
thirteen: i'm a total hypochondriac.being a nurse only made that worse!
fourteen: I really really loved being pregnant.
fifteen: speaking of, i'm ready for another baby :) but more ready to be a wife.

toddler meltdown

Apparently Ella is more about growing up than I even thought because she is taking over the terrible two's like it's her job. And man oh man do those meltdowns test a momma's patience. Sometimes it's almost more than I can handle- the screaming, hitting, throwing herself on the floor, and I kind of have a feeling this is ONLY the begining!


Yesterday when I went to pick up Ella from daycare she was playing in the sand bin having such a good ole time. Usually she is super excited to see me and runs and gives me a great big hug, and i'm just on cloud nine since i've missed her so much throughout the day. Not yesterday though. Yesterday I could have left her there all night and she would have been just fine I think. She actually ran AWAY from me and went over to Miss. Amber (her teacher) and gave her a big hug and laid her head on her chest. It broke my heart. I'm not even kidding. Then when I told her it was time to go she threw herself on the floor as I tried to wrestle her coat on her... and then she cried all the way out of the room, down the hall, and across the parking lot to the car. Then I cried all the way home.


I hope today is better, because i'm not sure I can handle two days straight of that!

special day

I don't know why, but I have always been really good at remembering specific dates of things. All sorts of things really, and I don't think I ever forget REALLY special dates. Today is one of those days too :) On this very day two years ago, Tony & I found out that we were going to be having a baby! We are definitely at a different point in our lives than we were on March 25, 2008 and couldn't be happier to have our little miss Ella in our lives! It seems like it was just yesterday when those two pink lines appeared and we experienced a roller coaster of emotions as we learned we were about to enter parenthood. As scary as it was then, motherhood has been such a blessing :)


love love love that sweet little girl of ours.

16 months!

.. {my 16 month old girl}..

How did this happen so fast?!

-Stats-

Height: 31 1/2 in

Weight: 22lbs

New words: Juice, please, out, ball

She's a little CoOkIe MoNsToR!

can now open doors (uh oh!)

has 4 molars

Still in a rear facing car seat

has peed on the potty 2 times!

is on her 4th set of double ear infections

loves loves loves to be tickled

likes to wake daddy up and give kisses before school

loves reading books

is in 18-24 month pants (but they're so big around her waist!)

likes to play outside

seems to have totally adjusted to daycare, and actually likes it!

still quite attatched to panda bear fisher

{she's getting SO big SO fast}

...love her love her love her...

the potty

Ella used the potty!

TWICE!

I think i'm more shocked than anyone really. I have really been wanting to buy Ella a potty for a while now and sort of introduce her to it, let her play with it, and then in a few months get down to business. I have a serious goal of having Ella completely potty trained by the time she turns two. Honestly, if potty training is hereditary, I might be in trouble though because I was three and a half before I had it down!

But still, Ella is smart and I am determined! I think I can speak for Tony on the fact that we are way way way over diapers... and before we start thinking about a second addition, Ella has to be out of diapers! :)

She really does seem to like her froggy potty though, as soon as we got it home she wanted to sit on it and when I asked her if she wanted to try and go potty she shook her whole body yes.

So she wiggled on out of her outfit, and I took her diaper off and she sat so proudly on her potty. Every now and then would look down and pat the froggy eyes on the front.

I had ZERO expectations, and all of a sudden... PEE!!

I know that this can only be this exciting for a mom, but really- I don't remember the last time I was THAT excited about something!

and she did indeed seem very proud of herself!

Sunday morning same story-

as soon as she woke up I asked her if she wanted to go potty and she smiled and shook her head yes. Almost immedietly after she sat on the potty she looked down and watched and started to pee, and seemed very excited with how happy Tony & I were!

and then she got a cookie :)

and she was pleased.

I still think we're going to wait a little bit longer before we really start potty training, right now as long as she is interested I think i'll let her sit on the potty and "try" to go.

She is a big fan of being naked and having no diaper on,

and already knows that if she doesn't want to wear a diaper,

then she HAS to sit on the potty

Well wish me luck :)

I have a feeling we're going to be on a wild ride!

babies

Whew, another fast weekend!

Friday Tony & I had another date night

(REALLY enjoying all these lately!)

We just had dinner at Scotty's.... again hahah

and decided to call it an early night

because we missed Ella alot!

Speaking of Ella, she has been such a sweetheart lately

and it seems like every time I blink she is growing up even more.

She is really really into her babies

even more than normal lately

she is always kissing, hugging, and rocking each one of them.

Last night her and Tony put all four of her babies to sleep

and she covered each one up with a blanket,

gave her a kiss,

and told them night night

then she laid down beside them and starting to pat them to sleep

SO SWEET :)

Its the little things like that, that make me SO excited to make her

a BIG sister

someday...

hopefully in a couple years :)

can't wait!

Also can't wait for our trip to LAS VEGAS!

We booked our tickets yesterday

June 3rd - 6th

so so so so soooo very excited!

little stinker

Ella has been talking up a storm lately!

I love it!

Kind of cracks me up what she picks up on though....

lately everytime she comes into our room she wants to go to the tree,

and throw dirt all over the room.

needless to say this is a big NO NO!

She knows this. Yet, she doesn't care!

I guess I have been telling her it's bad.

Because now everytime she looks like she is going to stick her little hand in it

I say: Ella that's a NO NO!

She replies, with a little point to the tree:

BAD BAD BAD!

I can't help but laugh. She's so darn cute!

Today we ate at Scotty's for dinner!

YUMMMM.

even after working there for so long, we still crave it!

Ella really likes to "act like a puppy"

she will hold things with her teeth (tonight it was a straw)

she swings her little head around and if you ask her if she is a puppy

she will just nod her little head yes

Well, she accidently dropped the straw on the ground

during the puppy process

and out of no where says:

UH OH!

so cute. so sweet. so shocked :)

I told her, Ella, it fell on the ground!

Ella: (as she waves to her straw) BYE BYE!

Seriously, I could just eat her up sometimes.

It never ceases to amaze me the capacity

to which a mother loves her child

it's absolutely unbelievable

I just fall deeper in love with her everyday

she is such a little sweetheart!

Updates

This weekend was great, but it flew by! (Don't they always?)

Leading up to the weekend was not so great though! Ella was sick again last week. High fever started Monday night, Tony stayed home with her all day Tuesday, I stayed home with her Wednesday morning. She started to act a little better so I took her to daycare Wednesday afternoon, and went on in to work. She acted great Thursday so we let her go to daycare again. Turns out that was a bad idea :( Ella threw up at daycare on Thursday, and acted really sick when Tony picked her up. We finally made the decision to take her to Urgent care, and we found out Ella had two fluid and pus filled ears that were about to rupture! :( No wonder she felt so awful! So her and I stayed in on Friday & slept in and took naps, which ended up being good for both of us! Daycare has just been such a tough transition and it's really hard to fight off all those germs!

Friday night, Tim & Susan offered to watch Ella so Tony & I could go out on a date, which was MUCH needed! We got a little bit of a late start so we weren't able to go Outback like we wanted, but we had Moe's which was still a wonderful alternative! Then we went and saw Shutter Island. I'm not going to lie, it didn't really look like my kind of movie but it was pretty good. But at one point I definitely started crying, and I kind of think I was the only one in the theatre crying! (trust me though, I think any mom would have!) After the movie we met up with a couple friends at Brother's for a few drinks before heading home!

Saturday Tony had to work on his taxes so Ella, Kristin, and I went to the mall and did a little shopping! I am happy to say I am only a few pounds off from what I weighed when I graduated high school :) Never thought i'd see those numbers again! So I was pretty excited to get some new jeans in a smaller size! Saturday night we just hung out at the house and watched ANOTHER movie (two movies in one weekend very rarely happens!)

Sunday was a pretty lazy day.

Tony & I work in the nursery at church every third Sunday of the month, which happened to be yesterday. We had a good time, and it has been fun to watch the babies grow from month to month! After church we went back to Tony's parents for some lunch and to hang out with the family for a bit. That evening Tony & I went to the mall to do a little more shopping. I think I got a little spoiled going to the mall TWICE in one weekend :) But i'm not complaining, I had a great time and I got the CUTEST new pair of black vera wang heels (ON SALE) I will have to post pictures, I really love them! Now if it would just hurry up and get warm out so I can wear them with something cute!

I think that's everything! Here's to another busy week ahead of me!

{15} months old

{15} Months old

...a few things I want to remember about my big girl...

Words:

.mama, dada, bye bye, gone, milk, go, & more

.is completely attached to her panda

.will almost never smile for a picture

.has been in daycare ("school") one month

.can blow kisses

.absolutely loves babies, real or fake

.is still in a rear facing car seat

.throws her diaper away after you change her

.doesn't like wearing socks

favorite foods:

.blueberry waffles, mac & cheese, chicken nuggets, oatmeal

.is most definitely not a morning person

.will tell us when she wants to go to bed

.will follow almost any instructions you give her

.loves Kobe

.weighs 22 pounds

.would brush her teeth all day if you let her

.is always fair- if she kisses mommy, she will kiss daddy too

.loves to tickle, and be tickled

.she's a girly girl

.has enough hair for a tiny ponytail

.is super tall & skinny- hard to find pants that fit

.will lay in bed and sing before she falls asleep at night time and nap time

.dances when music is on

.knows what sound a cow makes

.has 8 teeth

she is seriously the sweetest little girl ever,

I can't believe she is already fifteen months old!

Time sure does fly!

I'm back!

After almost 5 months of being away, I am back to the blog world! To start it all off, I did quite a bit of editing to my page :)

snuggly :)

I'm starting a new project! :) Today I went with my mom to the fabric store and bought most comfy cozy material to make Ella a super cute blanket! I've decided I really want to be more crafty, and be able to make some sweet, personal gifts for things such as baby showers so i'm starting here! :) I started today, and hopefully will be able to finish it by tomorrow if I work all morning on it. I'll post pictures once it gets all finished! :)

I'm really the worst blogger ever. I never am able to get on here. (I blame it on the fact that we don't have a working computer at home) I only use the internet on my iphone... lucky for me we're getting our money's worth!

I'm so excited for tomorrow! At 3:30 Tony, Ella, and I will be leaving for Michigan! I'm so excited to spend the weekend with Caleb, Theresa and Owen! We really miss having them live in town! However, i'm SUPER nervous about Ella and the long car ride! Hopefully it goes well! :)

aww

This week my baby turned 9 months old! :(
How did that happen so fast!?

Wonderful weekend!

Ah, Sunday evening. It's been a GREAT weekend after a busy week! Tuesday I took my last summer final (finally) and got an A in the class! I'm hoping that I will be able to start the RN program in January, and have my RN by next July! The rest of the week I worked like crazy, and Friday Tony had a wonderful suprise for me! He took the day off work, went to the grocery store and got me flowers and bacon and eggs for breakfast! We decided to do to the State Fair for the day! All three of us had a great time and spent most of the day there just hanging out, walking around, and watching my brother show. Afterwards we went to Circle Center mall and I got a couple cute shirts, then walked around downtown and went to the new Scotty's! We ended up seeing an old friend who we used to work with at the Scotty's here in town and he gave us a grand tour, and even bought us dinner! It was really good to run into him, and of course dinner was amazing, and the new restuarant is AMAZING! It definitly blows our Scotty's out of the water with Decor. They have Flat Screen TV's in EVERY booth!

Saturday I worked until 3, then we went over to Tony's parents to hang out and have pizza. This morning we were pretty productive in cleaning the house and moving things around. We finally got around to lowering Ella's crib to the lowest setting so she cant get out. She still is sleeping in our room and i'm REALLY going to try to move her into her bed soon! Now we just have to get some black out shades so its not so bright in there! After we got all of that over with we headed to the Fisher's again for lunch and played games all afternoon.

Around 5:00 I went to the hospital to visit Ashtyn and Kasen! :) He is so sweet! It makes me miss having Ella be so little and snuggly! (and made me excited for baby #2 whenever that may happen!) Then we had filet mingon at Tony's Parents. All in all, it was a wonderful weekend and i'm sad tomorrow is Monday.... and working 8-8 to start the week. Yuck! Still very happy to be on a break from work though!

Fair week

Today was the last day of the fair, which is always sad! Ella and I went and walked around up there today with Megan and baby Gwen :) I can't believe how many memories it brings back just being in that atmosphere. I can't help but miss it! Last night Tony & I went up to watch Thomas show in his last two classes of the season. He ran an AMAZING barrel time with a 17.9! :) It was the second fastest time in 4H history! Unfortunately he hit the last barrel with his spur and knocked it over which adds a 5 second penalty, but oh well! He still had one amazing time!

Luckily for me this week FLEW by! I now have ONE full week left of summer classes (and then a final on the following tuesday!) I can't wait, I feel like I've wasted all summer long in school and haven't gotten to enjoy myself very much, or get to take Ella to do many fun things.

Speaking of Ella, she just learned to wave HI and BYE BYE! :) soooo sweet!

Summer?

Really, where has the summer gone? I am in SHOCK that it is already officially past mid July! It's definitly flown by and I really wish I would have been able to have more time with Ella. School has really taken over my life these past 8 weeks! Luckily, two more weeks and i'm FINISHED! It looks like i'll be getting an A & B for Anatomy & Microbiology, which i'm happy with!

Today was another jam packed day! Last night I worked until 8, and came home and studied until almost 2:00 this morning! I had a big test this morning and of course I put studying off until the last minute! I did well though, but have been completely exhausted all day. After my test I got a quick lunch with Danny & Sam, then headed back to school for a 3 HOUR microbiology lab! (did I mention how ready I am for school to be over!)

Ella has been pretty much refusing naps lately which is not cool at all. She MAYBE takes a 1 hours nap all day long! For a while she would sleep in every morning, take a great nap, and go to bed around 8:00. Not anymore! Now that she can crawl and move more she is ALWAYS on the move! I knew this would happen, but now it has really hit me. Things are going to get busier and busier, she is going to be quite the handful as a toddler I can already tell! :)

I'm glad it's already Thursday :) I sure wish the office was on, one Thursday closer though!

BIG girl!

As of....7.13.08
[8 months old]

Ella's life lately:

Ella can officially CRAWL!

last day as a 7 month old, her first tooth popped up!

She babbles all the time and makes lots of happy noises

She is sort of getting over her stranger anxiety

she loves to ride in the big girl seat in the shopping cart

She is the best night sleeper & loves naps

she loves to wiggle and dance when music comes on

she loves food. period.

she is such a silly girl and has such a fun personality

and of course... I love her more everyday!

In other news, I am SO ready for summer classes to be over with! I only have the rest of this week, then two more weeks. I really miss getting to spend all day with Ella. She is learning and growing SO fast and I really don't want to miss out! I'm starting to get excited about planning her 1st birthday party! (even if it is still 4 months away!)

Sunday Tony & I went to the cubs game with his family and had the best time! It was my first professional baseball game and I absolutely LOVED it! We're definitly going to have to go alot more next summer! Oh, and we got Ella her very FIRST cubs tshirt!

Fair is next week and I can't wait to go there and eat haha! :)

tiny baby?

Oh where did that teeny little baby I once had go? I seriously can't believe how big Ella is getting! Today I finally went through Ella's dresser and took out all the clothes that were too little. (which ended up being quite a lot of them!) I actually had a really hard time with it, how could she have EVER been so tiny!

We just got back from vacation yesterday and we had a GREAT time! The weather was perfect and we definitly jam packed our days with fun stuff! Ella absolutely LOVES the pool and swimming! She really is such a great baby. The plane ride went way better than I could have even hoped for! She didn't cry or fuss once either way! She was in such a happy mood the whole trip too :) She seemed very excited to spend ALL day with mommy & daddy both for 4 whole days! We spent Friday and all day Saturday at a 4 million dollar house right on Crystal River! It was BEAUTIFUL (and even had an elevator inside the house!) Sunday we took Ella to Lowry park zoo and to the beach! I definitly wasn't ready to go home on Monday!

I have a feeling all these big milestones such as crawling, walking, and talking are just going to come boom boom boom from now on! Ella rolls all over the place, can spin around in a circle on her tummy and sort of scoot, and she just started pulling herself up to stand! I really can't believe it! Next Monday she is going to be 8 months old! How did that happen!

SUPRISE!

I got my iPhone today! :) I am seriously SO excited! (even though Tony has been playing with it all night and I haven't gotten to) We went today to add Tony onto my family plan, but then switched everything over into his name so we could get his Purdue discount... well apparently that means my line is treated as a NEW account= $99 iPhone!

Had to share. It's awesome. :)